For most of my life I tried to live up to other people’s expectations: family, friends, teachers, etc. Most of the expectations I was expected to live up to were also directly conflictory with other things I was being told. For example, “you can be anything you want to be, but you can’t do … “. I was also depressed, angsty, frustrated and extremely angry for most of my life.
Even as an adult, living on my own, with my own life, I still heard the voices in my head. Nothing was ever good enough, I had to be perfect, I had to know everything, I had to do things a certain way (which was always different based on whose voice I was hearing), etc. It wasn’t until I began this path of healing and started to learn to turn off those voices in my head that I started to lead my own life, and live up to my own expectations.
When I stopped trying to be perfect for other people, I was finally able to determine how to be perfect for me. When I stopped listening to what others wanted for me, I was finally able to decide what I wanted for myself. When I stopped trying to like what others liked, then I was finally able to determine what I liked for me. When I stopped being for others, and was able to be me, I was also able to start letting go of the negative emotions binding me to others demands.
Healing takes time, and comes in many forms. Holding onto unhealthy, negative thoughts and expectations is limiting and destructive. By learning to tell the echoes of the voices of someone else’s expectations that we hold in our heads “No” we can let go of many of our internal conflicts, we can learn to find our own true perfection for ourselves.
The Warriors Den 
This is lovely and very helpful. Just before I opened the link to your post I was thinking about how hard I dance to be there for others and meet their needs and so often my own go by the wayside. This is a really timely reminder and thank you for writing it.
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May I ask what negative emotions you found to be operating to keep you tied to that pattern? I know some of mine but I would be interested to know. Kind wishes Deborah
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Deborah, Thank you for your kind words. In my case, I had to go back emotionally to my childhood and find the original thought pattern and work through the emotion. I had to resolve (and am still working through many of them) the actual conflict that was created in my head. For example, as many of us were, I was told I could do anything I wanted – anything I set my mind to. Then I spent most of my pre-teen and teenage years being told, “You can’t sing. I don’t know why the chorus teacher wanted you. You can’t hold a note…” while my mother and sister sounded like cackling hens. Or when my mother asked me to stop gymnastics because my sister was better.
The feelings that come up are everything from betrayal, depression (often severe), not being good enough, anger, frustration, rage. I’ve also had to work through neglect (couch potato, uninvolved (unless I was severely in trouble) usually, from my father.
There are also internal conflicts, because sometimes my family could be absolutely amazing, so there’s also major trust issues as well.
Hope that gives you an idea of much of what I’ve dealt with, and I hope it helps.
Blessings.
Shannon
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