One of my biggest obstacles over the last several years, regarding creativity has been the lack of passion to create. I’ve wanted to, even felt driven to at times. Even when I sit down to write, I often feel like I’m doing “by rote.” It’s a job, and it’s been devastating to not be able to feel the overwhelming urge to lose myself in what I’m doing at the moment. I have all the tools, but no real desire to create, and the loss has only added on to the difficulty of not being able to find the root of all my passions again.
Over the last several weeks, and months, while feeling so empty and drained, I’ve been trying to find the real source of the problem. And over the last couple of days, it really started to sink in. I started to realize that my closest, deepest passions, the things I love to do the most: music, dancing and writing, the places where I feel the most are all intertwined. I can’t do one without at least one of the others. That’s what I’ve been trying to do. And I have felt so cut off from them over the last several years, that I could not possibly see the connection.
Today was different. This morning I woke up and craved creativity in a way that I hadn’t in over a decade. I turned on music (which I almost never do), and sat down and began to write. The flow of words began, riding on the waves of music. I still would get up and work on the household chores, but even that flow was better too. I didn’t feel stagnant anymore. I know I have a long way to go, I’ve been out of the current for far too long. But I feel the pull, I found my missing link, and I am waking up.
I feel like I’m coming home.