Dealing With Hypocrisy

Before we started our path to healing, we were all just as guilty.  Now, hopefully we are learning to overcome it.  It’s also something that we all love to hate.  I’m talking about hypocrisy.  Being angry someone else for what we ourselves are guilty of but will not acknowledge.

Sometimes we will commit an act, or say something that is so hurtful and damaging that we ourselves cannot acknowledge it, not even to ourselves.  It doesn’t have to be something big, but it’s big enough that when others display the same thing, we become very angry at the other person, and start to point fingers.  The other person points their finger back at us, and now we are really angry because now we are both on the defensive, and accusations start to fly.  That’s how many fights begin in relationships.

What happens when the hypocrisy itself is in the acknowledgement, or lack thereof, of the hypocrisy itself?  In other words, what happens when one party in the argument acknowledges their action, but the other party will not?

There is no “nice” way to put this:  If multiple people are involved in the disagreement, then multiple people are at fault.  Each of us is responsible for our own actions and words.  If you are involved in the issue – you are at fault.  And even if you did not create the situation, or commit the first act, even being involved is still an act.

Let me give you an example:

Let’s say a one person is very negative and says something hurtful to another.  The second person walks away – to a movie, or to hang out with friends.  First person at fault, second person no involvement, no fault.

But, let’s say the second person walks away and does something damaging or hurtful to the first person or relationship.  Both parties are to blame.  Even if the first person apologizes and accepts responsibility, the second person still committed a retaliatory act.  They also hold responsibility.  There is no “I didn’t do anything wrong”, and no “I wouldn’t have done it you…”.  Two parties involved, both hold responsibility.

This is where many relationships have issues, and many of them lead to families separating.  I’m not just talking about couples getting a divorce, I’m also talking about when children (adult or child) can no longer tolerate their families (parents, siblings, etc) to the point where they will make a break with the family for their own mental health and well-being.

We were all taught by our society that there is nothing wrong with us, and we can do nothing wrong.  We were not taught how to accept our faults and learn to overcome them, so we are trying to learn that now.  If someone is trying to let you know of a potential issue that they see, please, listen to them.  It will likely allow them to release a pain they have been holding onto, or pain you have been holding onto, but it can also create a moment of healing between the two of you.  It can create a bond, instead of a rift.  It can save the relationship instead of destroying it.  And through helping and healing each other, we can help heal the world.

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