So here I am on Day 2 of trying to rebuild my writing momentum. I am extremely grateful for the chance to restart and move forward. Counting days seems to be extremely helpful to me at this time. So far, I’ve been able to create and maintain momentum in physical exercise and learning new languages, now I’m just adding another element.
During my hiatus, I spent much time in thinking about why I kept having issues, and what is happening that is pushing me to go so far beyond burnout. It’s not the first time it’s happened, I clearly recognized what I was feeling. So I had the thought that perhaps I would use my posts here to write, share and explore what I keep going through.
Many many years ago, even as a small child, I was constantly being told to “be the example”. I was the oldest, so I had to be the responsible one. I always had to be on my best behavior, even in my own home with my own family. In fact, with recent stories regarding certain members of the Royal Family, I can truly say that in any complaint session I could easily hold my own with both of them. It doesn’t take being a member of the British Noble Class to go through that kind of expectation. But that’s a story I will get into another time.
When I was a young pre-teen and early teenager, as many of us do, I had an extreme draw to and fascination with music. I wanted to learn, and of course, wanted to be in a band. I even started writing lyrics and poetry. It’s common enough, young people need to learn ways of coping with things out of their control. I recognize that now, I couldn’t have then. One of the lines that I wrote came directly out of my being told constantly to “be the example”.
Who helps the strong when the strong become weak?
Consider that for a moment, my Warriors. Because that’s what every Warrior goes through. We are Warriors because we are the example. We are the ones that others turn to, we are the ones that try and do the right thing no matter what. We are the ones that will face the problems within ourselves so that others have an example how.
Being a Warrior doesn’t mean that you’re perfect every second of every day. It is through our imperfections that we learn and grow Spiritually. It is through our mistakes that we become better examples to others. But we also have a higher expectation of ourselves, and that is one of our problems. We give so much that we don’t take time for ourselves. Our demand for self-perfection is a stressor that only leads to more stress that leads to complete, total exhaustion. Beyond burnout, and the total incapacity to function beyond anything more than just what is in front of you.
So today, I am acknowledging that it is ok to for me to be weak. I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to be the example every second of every minute of every hour… It’s ok for me to take a break when I need to. It’s ok for me to call my friends and fellow Warriors when I need help. And today, I am grateful that through my weakness, I can create new momentum.