So the last couple days have had their ups and downs. I’ve already had one job interview, and I have another scheduled already. Job hunting is always a difficult competition and in our town, sometimes it can be particularly brutal.
Over the last few days, I’ve had the chance to think too, and I found a subject that seems most appropriate for right now. It’s another form of competition, and it can be more brutal than job hunting. And most people do not even realize that they are competing.
I’m talking about living through our own personal victimization. Many of us have moments where we feel as though we are a victim to something, or someone. And in some cases, we might even be the victim. However, there are many people who believe they are victims to …. everything. They carry their victimhood with them everywhere they go, never realizing the possibility that they might be the ones creating the situation for them to be the victim. Most of us have had our moments like this, and once we realize and acknowledge what we are doing, we have the chance to heal and stop creating the situations that are driving us.
Creating our own victimization is bad enough, how could we possibly make it worse? Unfortunately, it’s much easier than you think. We are a competitive society in a competitive world. While competition is fine in some situations (I’m good for a fun game of football any day), our world has become so competitive that we will actually compete subconsciously for the negative aspects in life as well as the positive. What do I mean by this? How often do you find yourself talking with someone, and their personal situation, whatever it is, has to be worse than yours? Whether it be their childhood, an illness they are dealing with, etc. No matter what, they must be a victim to something.
There are generally considered to be four control dramas that people may have. Victimization is just one of them. Most people have one, often two. I happen to have all four, so I am all too familiar with creating my moments of victimhood. When I am upset over something I have learned to step back and look at the entire situation to see if there was anything I did to help create it. Sometimes, yes, I did, and do. Being able to recognize that was my first step to trying to heal that part of myself. It takes work, and I’m grateful that I have been able to make that step forward on my path.
Not everyone is so blessed. For some, the competition to be the greatest victim is too strong, so much so that they may even deny someone else’s trauma, or the effect of it. It is just as damaging as the trauma that they originally suffered, and yet it is impossible for them to see that they are now inflicting just as much damage.
Do I believe in competition? Absolutely. But not against someone else. They only competition I have ever found worthwhile is competition against one’s own self for the purposes of making myself better. Anything else has too many negative effects.
The Warriors Den 