Being in an airport at night is very different than it is during the day. There’s a different energy surrounding everything. During the day, there’s a hustle and bustle, an energy that seems to say, “get up and do”. At night, while there’s more flights for us, the time between flights is quieter, more peaceful. There’s more time to just be.
Being here at night gives me more space to think, to let go. It gives me more time to view my life, find those spots of disquiet and to learn to let them go. As strange as it sounds, I know that many of my deep wounds that haven’t been healed yet have the potential of being renewed, just by my being here, even though the possibility of extremely unlikely that it will ever happen.
Here’s what I mean: my deepest pain was caused in my early life, by my family. And while I live a few hours away from them, and (as far as I know) they don’t know where I live, I do know that they have made trips to the town here for various reasons. And while they are getting older, and as far as I know are not necessarily traveling as much, for certain reasons, I am sure that they do still make trips from time to time. Part of me is deeply concerned that at some random time and place I will run into my family, here where my husband and I have built a beautiful life for ourselves.
When I’m here at night, and it’s quiet, that’s when I have time to let go of the stress my concerns cause me, and realize that they are only thoughts and fears in my head. Thoughts and fears generated by a past that is no longer a part of who I am. In the quiet of this small terminal, where it is extremely unlikely that I will ever see my family walking through, is where I can let go and remember that I am no longer the person that I was, that by letting go of my family I have become (am trying to become) the person that they tried to force me by demand to be. I can realize that even if they did show up here, that they likely wouldn’t even recognize me.
Here, in the quiet of the night before the flight comes in, is when I can sit back and find the gratitude for all of my blessings that life has brought to me: The Love of my Life, kids that I love, a house, property and pets that I never expected, a job that allows me to work on my personal projects in my downtime. It’s a beautiful life, and outside of the hustle and bustle of the day, when the night settles in and it becomes quiet, the beauty of that life is able to shine through.