No Sugarcoating

From time to time, it becomes very difficult for me to … do … anything.  That’s where I am, and that’s where I’ve been for quite some time now.  I feel stuck.  I feel changes coming, and like I can’t make a decision about anything because I don’t know what’s going to happen.

I have all of these things that have happened, and things I want to share, but right now they feel all locked up in my head.  Part of it is that I have so much I want to share, I feel as though I am on overload which is part of the head lock-up.  Think about it like a traffic jam, or gridlock but in your head.  It feels kind of brutal in a way.

There’s been some drama, and changes coming in the new job.  Plus, it’s retail and Christmas greed is in the air.  I’ve seen some truly amazing things, some truly sad things and I have a great opportunity to help people spiritually (all of which I want to talk about), but I’ve been coming home physically, emotionally and energetically drained.  It has always been extremely difficult for me to work outside the home, particularly retail, but it seems that this is where I am supposed to be right now.  But being an empath, and feeling all of the energy I do all day is quite wearing on me.

There’s also been a few impediments to the changes I have planned for the site.  One of the changes planned is for me to start doing videos – both meditation and instructional.  Hence, one of the projects was trying to clean the office.  And while I have gotten some of it cleaned up, in the last month I have been sick, working and sleeping so much that there is another coat of dirt on the bookshelves.

So with all of this, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about how to resolve some of these issues and I’ve decided to do something different.  You see, something like cleaning the office before I start the videos so that my office space looks good so that I look good when I’m doing the videos (run-on sentence and lack of punctuation intentional – it is my literal thought process) which I have to do because now it is easier to explain what I have come to understand by speaking it instead of writing it which is totally different than it used to be which is one of the problems that I have been having in my head, is a logical process.  But logical has never worked for me.  I have to go into this backwards.  I have to start the videos first, and let the office take care of itself in the process.

Now if only I had remembered to let go of the logic a long time ago…..

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