Today is a rough day. Not because of anything in particular, but it’s rough. I keep wanting to yell, scream, start a fight, something. It’s not a comfortable feeling. It’s also one that most of us can recognize, but we have no name for.
In times past, anything could have happened when I felt like this. I have started fights, gotten physical, any multitude of harmful, angry actions. Today, I can say I’m grateful for my experience to recognize that those former actions didn’t do any good, not for me, not for anyone around me. Sure, the release might have felt good…for the moment. However, it also likely caused some damage in the process, either to something, or someone else (emotional damage is still damage, and it hurts deeper and longer than the physical damage does).
Over the years, I have been able, with a great amount of help, and love from those around me, to learn many of the things that can agitate me, and how to avoid or minimize them (holidays are difficult, I do like my sweet stuff, and sugar IS an agitator). Also, my job, another common factor for many of us, is another agitator. There are also many things at large that can cause agitation, but the important thing is to first recognize that you are agitated. Once the recognition occurs, then the healing can begin.
In a case like today, once the agitation sets in, sometimes it can be hard to shake it off. If that’s the case, it’s ok. It is ok to be agitated. It is ok to recognize that you are agitated. What is not ok, and this is what I had to learn, is that you should not, under any circumstances act out of the agitation. As long as you can hold onto that awareness, then you can learn to find peace, even within the agitation itself.
So today I am agitated. But today I also held my peace.