Welcome back to the Den, fellow Warriors. The last couple of weeks have been somewhat difficult, and the times I’ve had to write, I have been so angry that even though I wanted to, I couldn’t. I didn’t want to put that kind of dark energy into what I am trying to create. Today wasn’t any different. I had plans to write, even had a couple of ideas, then my morning went to hell. But the more I thought about it, the more I became angry at myself for not using this as an opportunity. This is my opportunity to “be in the moment” and accept that “it is what it is”.
Most people don’t truly understand what those phrases mean. We are raised in a society where feeling bad, or angry, or anything uncomfortable is not supposed to be ok. We have the subconscious programming that we have to feel good, every minute of the day, all day, all the time. Guess what? We’re human, it’s not going to happen. We are going to go through periods where we feel like shit. We’re going to be angry, upset, sad, depressed, etc. And no matter what society tries to tell us, it’s ok that we feel that way.
Acknowledging our emotions is the first step to healing. If we are feeling bad, it means that we are hurting in some way. Either we have a need that’s not being met, we are perceiving an injustice, something is happening that is causing us to feel pain. We may even be creating it for ourselves. Whatever the situation is, if we try and “just be ok”, things don’t get better. They get worse. So, this morning, instead of just getting through it, I chose to accept the moment. Right now, my what is, is that I am hurting and I am angry. And when I was younger, writing was how I got through it. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I starting writing anything other than shitty poetry about my pain. Today, it’s not bad scribbles. Today, I’m using my moment to write my way through what I feel so I can share it with you, and maybe you will know at some point that it’s ok that you feel bad sometimes too.
When I sat down a few minutes ago and started to write, I was angry. Damn angry. Blindingly angry. The kind of anger that can become explosive and dangerous if it’s not dealt with. And for many years, I haven’t truly been dealing with my anger, or my pain. Today, I chose to deal with it. I am still angry, but far less likely to become dangerous. I’m recognizing where my pain is and am now more functional and capable of taking steps to find a remedy.
Warriors, when you are hurting, angry and upset, it’s ok. I’m there with you in those moments. Be in the moment, and allow yourself to feel those emotions. Let what is guide you into creating what will be. I know it feels like shit, and it feels like it will be forever, but it’s only a moment. And you will feel better, and be better on the other side.
Blessed Be.
The Warriors Den 