Emotional Instability

Good evening, Warriors.  I hope this day finds you all well.  Here in the Den, we’ve been catching up on old projects (I’m finally finishing the bedroom painting I started last year!), and getting prepped for things to come.

Today, I want to talk briefly about some of the emotional ramifications that current events have been having, specifically the ones I’ve been experiencing.  I suspect that these are not too different from what many of you are also going through.  I believe that it is healthier for us emotionally and energetically to bring these out for open discussion.  Part of what has led to current events, including the distancing of friends and those who hold a differing opinion on what we are going through as a society is that those of us who are of an older generation have been taught to hide our feelings, that is is not ok for us to speak about our pain.  I have never found that to be true.  In fact, I am of the mindset that it is far healthier to discuss the emotional issues we are having and resolve them instead of letting them fester for years.

And that brings up the first real emotional issue I’ve been dealing with:  frustration.  And that frustration often leads to anger for me.  I know that we all have different viewpoints on what is occurring.  We all have our right to our viewpoint.  And while clashing over ideas and viewpoints is nothing new, over the last several years I have seen an steady increase in people being unwilling to even discuss a viewpoint other than their own.  Most recently, that unwillingness has become so extreme that I almost don’t go online anymore.  There is no reason why we cannot have a civil conversation.  We all deserve the right to speak our truth honestly, and be willing to hear the other side.

Part of the frustration issue for me also comes from being faced with the absolute truth and confirmation of my walking away from my degree.  I have a friend in the local media here, and we will sometimes discuss possible angles or options for stories, and what we understand of the situation.  We were talking recently, and she told me that they (as reporters) has been told that they cannot cover any story that contradicts the main “narrative” regarding the current global situation.  I want you to imagine that for just a minute.  Really imagine it.  The media being told that they cannot report anything other than what they are being told to report.  That is called censorship.  It’s also called propaganda.  Warriors, this is not fantasy, this is not a dystopian novel.  This is reality.  It is hard enough to hold a discussion with someone who isn’t willing to listen to facts.  It’s even harder when that person isn’t even given the opportunity to hear other facts.

I also know, that like me, many of you have lost your jobs, and have no guarantee of future income.  It’s scary to be in that kind of situation.  But for many of us, there is another side as well.  I was in what was considered to be an essential business, in an essential position at an essential location.  All of that and I still lost my job.  Not because I quit.  Not because I did anything wrong.  And added to that, is that I have no guarantee to get a job in the future because of my age.  Not because I am old, but because I am considered “outdated”.  In essence, too old to learn something new, keep up with the job market, etc.  So I’ve been dealing with depression for losing my job due to something completely out of my control, and I’m too old and useless to go back to work.

Something else that I have been trying to cope with is this very disjointed feeling of living in an unreal reality, a life imitates art imitates life kind of thing.  For years, we’ve been watching dystopian movies and in our classes when we were children, many of us were told that things like our current events could never happen.  We had protections that made it impossible.  Combine that with the level of absolute parental control that I had to deal with as a child, I am not one to accept it on any level now.  I feel sick to my stomach when I think about it.  It feels like the whole world is flipped upside down.  It’s like watching a kaleidoscope of alternate universe possibilities and we are skipping through them with no chance of getting our bearings straight, and we have no good options available.

Life, and its accompanying emotions is so often related to a roller coaster, and it is absolutely true.  There are ups and downs, loops and spins and unpredictable changes.  I may not like what is happening, and I may not be able to control everything that is occurring.  But I know this.  Some days may be harder than others, but there is no better time to practice being a Warrior.  So every day I will continue to rise and take on a new project to better the greatest project of all.  Me.

Blessed Be.

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