As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, so far this year has been a year of healing and change. Due to recent events, this seems like a good time to discuss my experiences in adapting to change.
One of the biggest problems in coping with change is that our ego doesn’t want to change. Regardless of whether it is changing something that we don’t like, or life situations changing around us, our egos want to remain comfortable in the familiar, regardless of how much we don’t like the circumstances we are dealing with. So in dealing with changing circumstances, the real difficulty isn’t the situation itself. Rather, the real problem is in how we are going to change our internal programming.
In past blogs, I have mentioned in brief some of what I have gone through when trying to deal with changes in my own life. Tonight, I am going to tell you that fighting my own ego to overcome my programming has been, and is, the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. This includes walking away from two bad marriages, and my own birth family to make sure that I was not going to repeat the same mistakes.
In the process of trying to change, I still made many mistakes. More of them then I can count, and often major ones that I had made before. The difference between what happened before, and why things worked differently this time comes down to a couple of different things. The first thing that was different is that this time I had emotional support. It is extremely difficult; not impossible, but extremely difficult, to make major changes in your life if you don’t have at least one person who can help you navigate the emotional turbulence that change brings internally. This needs to be someone who is willing to be honest with you; someone who is willing to tell you the truth about what you don’t want to see, acknowledge or accept, but also be the person who will hold you while you are shaking with inner turmoil and conflict. This person needs to be willing to accept being the bad guy, but also the good guy, and sometimes be both simultaneously.
The second most important part about healing through change is willingness. Change is going to happen. It’s a part of life, and often, there is nothing we can do about it. It is easier to accept change when we are at least somewhat willing, and the more willing we are, the easier it becomes. When you can accept that there is nothing you can do about the change, and be willing to go through the hell of your ego attempting to hold on to what no longer exists, you will get through it faster, and easier. No one wants to go through screaming fits, clawing at your arms and legs, pulling hair, and sometimes worse (and I have done all of this and more when fighting my ego). No one wants to feel like they are falling apart. But if you can hold onto one thought, that one thought being that things will get better, every moment in emotional hell becomes worth it once it’s over. Because once it’s over, things are always better with the coming of acceptance.